A Parent-Teacher Guide to Behavior Management

Written by: Michael S. True, M.Ed

This material is copy protected and may only be reproduced by permission of the author. For more information email: mstrue1@hotmail.com .

INTRODUCTION

Changing the direction of our behavior is not a simple matter, but neither is it impossible. Even those who may be set in their ways are changing every day. You see, change, the ability to adapt, to overcome obstacles, to choose the best path, is the key to human survival.

So how do when know when and if it is time for a change? And how do we make such choices for ourselves or for others?

The world is in motion. Vast physical forces shape our destiny. Everything, from the miraculous workings of the atom to the clockwork movement of the cosmos, effects what we do and how we do it. We all must learn to live within this reality. The face of change has many forms. We may decide that it is time to change our shoe laces, time to move to a new community, time to learn a new skill. Often changes are thrust upon us. Parents must move to find new jobs and their children are forced to move to a new school. Illness and death often are catalyst for great changes. Marriage, divorce, the birth of a child, each is cause for many new decisions to be made by the person(s) effected. Having to cope with changes can and does effect us mentally, physically, and emotionally. Stress management has become a by-word to hundreds of thousands of people living from day to day in the world's industrialized nations.

In order to avoid such potentially negative side-effects of change, many people choose to move through life, carefully side-stepping those situations where obstacles may arise. Indeed, this may begin even at a very early age. Unfortunately, what most people do not realize is that this compulsion for consistancy, for holding onto certain behaviors or habits, leaves them unprepared when things do eventually change, and they will!

YOUR "WILD CHILD"

Most parents or teachers who read this article want to know why their child or student's behavior is the way it is. Why are they not behaving like the other kids? I respect that, but will say early on, that it is not as important to know why your child is different as it is in recognizing how he or she is similar to all other children.

Finding someone or something to blame for a child's inappropriate actions will do little towards correcting a behavior such as tantrums or occasional aggression towards others. Of course there are some environmental conditions which can and do result in extreme behavioral changes. Living in a war zone, for instance, or an area of high criminal activity including assault, murder, drug use and sale, or having abusive parents or care providers significantly increases the chances for negative changes in behavior and lifestyle. Children exposed to sexual abuse are also likely candidates for withdrawal or aggression. Even children who watch adult oriented television programs can learn inappropriate behaviors.

But these conditions alone are not going to effect the majority of children. Smaller, less obvious environmental conditions are more likely to be present. Trying to change every little thing that may influence a child may be impossible. The key to improvement is teaching the child to become aware of their own behavior and showing them how they might be able to take an active role in making their own changes for the better. In order to do this, you must have a basic understanding of the science of behavior.

THE SCIENCE OF BEHAVIOR

With the recent emergence of behavioral science, we can make some revealing observations about the nature of change occurring in all living things. Here are some of the basic principals:

1) We tend to most frequently do the things we "get the most out of" for ourselves.

2) Behaviors repeated again and again, (our habits), need only to be reinforced occasionally to cause them to be continued.

3) New behaviors or actions only become habits if they are frequently and consistently rewarded in the beginning.

4) A reinforcement can be anything which causes a behavior to continue. Each person can be motivated in a variety of ways but may respond to different "payoffs" very differently from how we would respond to those same rewards.

It should be noted here that significant changes to our belief and value systems take a relatively longer period of time after the age of 10 years. By this age our individual personality is said to have taken its shape. Individual likes and dislikes, including values and beliefs, have evolved based on our genetic makeup and what we learned from our social and physical environments. Our physical strengths and weaknesses, our mental abilities, the degree of support we have come to rely on from others", our basic living conditions, educational opportunities, and a host of other "variables", directly effected our self-image, (who we think we are). At this young age, we already have formed the habits which we feel will guarantee us survival and the best possible interactions between ourselves and other people in our world.

These basic habits were only in small part instinct. Much of what we did then and do now is "learned". This learning takes place every day and never ceases. Very simply put, if it feels "good" to us, we keep right on doing it. If it doesn't, we stop doing it.

This "feeling good" part brings us to reinforcement. As noted above, a reinforcement is anything which causes a behavior to continue. It can also be said that a reinforcement can cause a behavior to begin. When they drive us toward doing something, these reinforcements are considered to be positive. Most of our actions are linked to the fulfillment of primary or basic needs. We all found ways to get food, water, sleep, warmth, etc.... When these needs were satisfied we looked for ways to meet our secondary needs, (love, acceptance, friendship, security, and so forth). Each of these needs caused us to search for an action, which when repeated, served to get that specific need filled. When we found the "right" action, we repeated it over and over, counting on it to continue to provide the need we linked to it.

As we grew older we found that some of our needs could be met in less direct ways. Actions which provided us with "token" reinforcements, or rewards, were developed. These tokens could then be later traded for things we considered as being important to us. Doing something in exchange for the promise of a "payoff" down the road was to become the seed of our society's work ethic. The most commonly used token is, of course, money.

These same principals are at work within each of us every day. What we choose to do and the priority we give our actions depend directly on what we get out of them. If our behavior changes, these things can be attributed to two conditions, whether or not our actions have been rewarded or not rewarded. Simply put, if "good" things happen, we tend to try and recreate what we might have done to make them happen. But if "bad" things happen, or nothing happens at all, we find other things to do. (Note: the reason I put good and bad in quotations relates to the fact that what is good to one person might not be considered good to another. It is the same with the bad.)

A word of caution concerning this simplistic view is now in order. Many people feel that by "punishing" others for doing the "wrong" thing, that new and good things will begin to happen as a result. However, studies show that if the unwanted behavior continues to have even occasional "payoffs", even the most harsh "punishment" will seldom be enough by itself to cause the behavior to change. Negative reinforcement, (taking something good away or giving something bad), has been proven to be far less effective than using positive reinforcement to encourage change.

If we are looking to change ourselves or any other person, our contribution must be to provide some reward or token reward which would motivate toward the establishment of a new and "improved" behavior. Therefore, some consideration must be made toward the providing of an "alternative" behavior to take the place of the original behavior. This is by no means a simple task.

I often relate a story about a mother and her four-year-old child, as an example:

For two years Mom has been in the habit of treating her son to a glass of chocolate milk and cookies each day at 3:00 p.m.. As you will see, the mother's actions have been as much influenced by her son as the boy's actions have by the mother.

Early on, for example, the mother would occasionally forget to provide her son with this afternoon snack. The little boy would wait awhile for the mother to carry out the expected routine. Then, in an effort to remind her, he would gently tug at her clothing. This failing, he would begin to cry, a primitive language universal to all parents. The mother, sensing her child's "need" would reluctantly stop her own activity, go into the kitchen, and bring out the milk and cookies.

Later, as the youngster's language skills developed, he would begin to add the actions of pulling on his mother's hand, directing her towards the "payoff". Then, pointing would make his request more specific. Finally, words would begin to evolve. "Cookie, mom. Cookie please!"

One day, the mother is watching a talk show and the guest speaker soundly denounces the nutritional value of chocolate milk and cookies. This causes the mother to re think her own actions. She reacts by telling her son, who has no idea about nutrition, that she will no longer be giving him the milk and cookies.

On the first day following her announcement, the little boy responds by patiently waiting, still not understanding the change which his mother has experienced. Once or twice he will express his needs verbally, "Cookie please, Mom." If the requests continue to be ignored and some days go by without the anticipated "payoff", the boy's mind will begin to search for old actions which he used in the past to obtain the treat. He begins frantically saying, "Cookie, cookie, cookie." Then he tries pulling on his mom's hand, pointing to the kitchen cupboard. If that doesn't work, when the routine snack-time rolls around again, he may resort to tugging at her clothing. And when all else fails, he will begin to cry.

Often, at this point, the mother may give in and bring out the chocolate milk and cookies. She may do so thinking that if she has to do this in order to placate her son, in time, he will understand why it is not such a good idea and begin doing without on his own. Or she may simply change her own opinion about the value of the snack in response to the hardships she feels she is encountering. After all, the happiness of her child has motivated her behavior for several years, as well.

Now, let's step back and play "What if...".

What if Mom decides it is absolutely necessary to stop her son from having the extra sweets in his diet? What if she resolves that "no matter what" she will not give in to his pleas. How long would it take for her son to get over missing the daily milk and cookies? What can Mom do to make the change easier? When the crying or tantrums begin, what should be done to control it?

Here again, I would like to apply some of the principals of behavioral science. It is easy to see how, by occasionally giving in to the child, it is not likely his desire for the snack will diminish. Although not as often, he still gets his "payoff", causing his motivation to remain high to continue those actions which he feels are getting him what he wants. When ignored, the little boy's actions will change, unfortunately, not always in positive ways. Punishment for tantrums may serve to suppress the child's way of expressing his desires, but does little to change the desires themselves. So where does this leave the mother?

TEACHING CHOICE-MAKING

Since we know that motivation is a very individualized process, the idea of presenting choices to determine what else might become an alternate "payoff" appears very practical. The mother asks her son, "What would you like to do, (or have), instead of chocolate milk and cookies today?"

By exploring alternatives, it can be decided which things are readily available and which are realistic. Most importantly, this mother will find out what her child sees for himself as having the same or greater "payoff". Negotiations of this type can be made simple or happen over a period of several days or weeks. If this particular child decided on one alternative, at first, then changed his mind, merely repeating the process can continue to work to the parent's advantage. As long as the "payoff" is acceptable to both mother and child and the alternative provides the child with something to do besides the unwanted behavior, change is occurring.

The basic skills necessary to making decisions for change can be taught even to the very young. Given opportunities to choose from several realistic alternatives, therefore, becomes a first step in developing self-directed behavior strategies. As we grow older, our needs and desires change. Expressing these to others without fear of rejection or negative reaction strengthens our self-esteem and builds an understanding of the values of those around us. Likewise, it encourages creativity in problem-solving. By becoming directly involved in this process, we not only feel a strong sense of self-control but also learn how our behavior effects those we live, work, and play with, as well. It just plain feels better when we get to put in our "two cents worth" when decisions are being made which effect our lives.

Ultimately, the best course for change is self-directed or independent. In an ongoing process of sizing-up where we are now and looking forward toward goal setting as a means of planning for our own future, this self-reliance reduces the potential for frustration and conflict in our daily affairs. Changes become easier to manage, more organized, and most important, more likely to succeed in occurring. Our ability to deal with constant changes is, therefore, an important skill. The following is an outline of some basic problem-solving techniques. Note - This section of this packet is especially important for teachers or other professional care providers who must carefully plan out a program for changing a student's behavior.

PLANNING FOR CHANGE

1. Define the behavior or condition needing changed.

2. Consider what personal needs are related to the current behavior or condition.

3. Determine, if possible, what kind of "payoff" has been involved in keeping these behaviors or habits going.

4. List pro's and con's: what is good or not so good about the present situation?

5. Consider how others are effected by the "old" behavior.

6. Make a list of possible alternative behaviors or actions you may wish to consider trying.

7. Be willing to modify your list. (Talk to others. Do some "research". Add or subtract items on the list you created in Item #6.

8. Set goals for making your changes.

Using the above listed steps, it is easy to see how you might easily say, "Will I have to do this every time I want to choose the color of socks I wear?" Of course not! For many decisions our alternatives are clear. The effects of our actions on others is minor. Little or no planning would be required. For a youngster of three to six, however, just such steps, (simplified, of course), may need to be provided by a parent or teacher to rehearse decision-making skills, using socks as a focus for this training.

For those who are more mature and have a foundation in decision-making skills, the use of these steps is obviously based on need. If circumstances cause pressure for change and decisions are difficult, even painful, this plan will be helpful in organizing the process. Whether someone is complaining about your personal behavior or you have a desire to learn or do something you may never have tried before, planning is always better than just hoping for it to "all work out on its own".

Remember, what we are doing here is looking at our actions. We want to understand why we might have started doing certain things. What kind of "payoff" did we get in the beginning? Do we still get that reinforcement from time to time? And, if so, where is it coming from now? We need to consider just how important it is to make the change we are considering. What is "good or bad" about our behavior may not be as important as how it effects those around us, our future, our health, our overall sense of security, our job, and so forth.

By deciding first on isolating one or several connected behaviors, it becomes easier to get a sense of what actions might fill the gap left by the behaviors being eliminated. The more ideas you come up with, the greater the chance of success. Only you know for certain what will likely be a good replacement for the unwanted behavior. However, don't hesitate in asking others their opinions. Because, as humans, we share many common experiences, it is likely that someone you know has faced a similar need for change and can provide advice and support.

The final portion of this paper focuses on setting goals for change. The process can be broken down into five basic parts:

A. Clearly define the new "alternative" behavior you wish to establish.

B. Determine a reasonable amount of time for the goal to be achieved.

C. List people, conditions, or materials which will be necessary to assist the student in making the change you desire.

D. Create a means to measure the amount of change taking place.

E. Be willing to re-evaluate your goals periodically.

A) Once you have decided on exactly what you wish to change, be sure a couple of basic conditions are met. First, the new behavior must be observable. That is to say, if you are considering having " a more positive outlook on life", you need to break it down into "do-able" actions. This could include smiling more often, using friendly greetings, joining a community help organization, etc.

If you cannot "see" the behavior occurring, neither can others. Therefore, the new behaviors are apt to go unrewarded. It is, of course, very important to build a reward system to go along with your plan. By knowing what is to be the "changed" behavior, you can either choose to create your own "payoff" or look to others in terms of their response to your new actions. When you begin to keep track of your progress toward doing something new, being able to observe the change actually taking shape will give you a sense of accomplishment and add to your motivation.

B) In organizing for making changes in our behavior, a realistic assessment of how long it will take to reach our goals is very important. Those who have been on a diet or given up some old habit will quickly tell you that success does not happen overnight. By giving yourself the space you need to make the changes, the chances of reaching your goal greatly improves. Simple goals may take a few weeks or a month, more complex goals may take six months to a year, or more. An example of a simple goal may be to start a project you have never done before, (i.e. planting a garden.). Something more involved may be getting a degree in college or learning a new language.

C) If help from others or special conditions need to be available in order to make your changes happen, and they are not present or available, the change will fail. An example of this would be:

You feel your electric bill is much to high. You set your goal: "I will not let next month's bill exceed $75." However, you have a large family who are not really concerned about your efforts to conserve electricity. They leave on the lights, a/c or heaters, electronic devices, and so forth, and you end up with another costly electric bill despite your best efforts and good intentions. Either your goal must reflect your family's usage and focus on your portion of energy consumption, or you must get your family involved in making your personal goal succeed.

Another way to approach this same goal may be for you to purchase energy efficient light bulbs and appliances. If the purchase of such items will decrease your electric bill, making sure you will be able to make the purchases prior to starting your plan is a must! Obviously, if you are unable to buy these appliances, even though you know they will be needed in order for you to achieve your goal, again, success will not be likely to occur. By setting up the conditions which would best provide support for your actions, the chances of succeeding are greatly improved.

D) This brings us to measurement. Although most people can identify the behavior they want changed, selecting a different behavior to substitute for the old, and planning out a strategy for obtaining support, often measurement is overlooked. We all require "feedback" on a regular basis. It may take the form of good grades on a report card from school, a steady paycheck, or a pat on the back. If we don't know how well we are doing we may become frustrated and give up on our efforts. This may happen even if we are doing an excellent job on taking steps towards our goal! Why? We respond better if we know we are on the right track!

Most experts recommend some form of progress charting. This could take the form of a daily diary or a simple checklist system. What we want to see is progress towards our goal.

A simple example is the child who has taken on the responsibility of caring for a new pet. She has promised Mom and Dad that the animal will be well cared for, (fed, watered, taken out for walks, and so forth). Her parents notice that after a few weeks the animal is beginning to be neglected. Their solution is to set up a checklist to be charted everyday as a reminder to their daughter of her responsibilities. Not only does this insure that the family pet will have its needs provided for, but also serves to teach the youngster exactly what has to be done on a day-to-day basis to care for the pet. Eventually, the pet's care will become routine and the goal: "I will take care of my pet," will be achieved.

E) The final element of goal planning is having a willingness to review your goal from time to time. If you have questions or doubts about how well you are doing, consider possible changes. Nothing should be etched in stone! By using your feedback, (measurement), system, you will easily be able to determine your progress or the lack of it. If little or no progress is being made in a "reasonable time", then it's back to the drawing board. Often you will find that the payoff is not big enough or that circumstances have changed. In either case, (there may be other reasons, as well), make any adjustments you feel that will benefit you in your effort. Usually, small changes can be made which will produce big differences in the outcome.

TEACHER TIPS

Use the following guidelines when you are facing the need to plan for a student who may be disruptive in your classroom...

First, consider a behavior contract for the student. Having something in writing also brings the parent(s) into the picture. Planning allows you to clearly communicate the nature of the behavior and the steps you will take to move the student towards more appropriate actions and self-direction. Even if the child is three years old he probably understands rewards and consequences on a limited timeline basis. Be sure that any actions you take include the input of the student.

Second, take notes during a period of observation. These will be used for your baseline. Knowing the exact frequency or duration of a behavior will provide you with the information you need to justify the need for a Behavior Plan and later to determine what progress is being made during your intervention.

Third, draft your plan.

Here is an example:

Goal: To eliminate target behavior by 80%, (usually if you can get a behavior down to 80% you can get it under control altogether).

Baseline: Johnny hits someone over the head with an object an average of 1.5x per day (or 3 time per week, etc.) You must calculate this because this is what you base success/failure of your program on...

Antecedents (What has usually been happening just before the target behavior occurs): Generally during unstructured group activities when he does not get his way. May be proceeded by argumentative behavior, (ie, yelling at other students or calling them names, etc.).

Target Behavior (The exact observable behavior you want to document and change): Use of fist or object to strike another student in a harmful manner.

Consequence (What has typically happened as a result of the inappropriate behavior): He is able to control the other students or to make the game go his way... Teacher intervenes and he is taken aside and talked to about his behavior... He laughs and says haha, I'm the king and it's good to be the king, etc., etc.

Intervention (How the behavior will now be dealt with by the teacher or care provider): The teacher will monitor the student for appropriate behavior, (all day or during critical periods based on antecedent conditions). The teacher or assistant will gently remind student that he is playing well with the other children initially on an interval of every five minutes. If play is without target behavior, (lets say over 3 five minute periods) he will be given a stamp or sticker indicating appropriate play has occurred. Upon collecting five stamps, stars on star card, etc, he can exchange them for... (this must be something that you work out in the contract - he must be motivated to acquire it). If 3 days go by w/o behavior mother will be informed and she will give him... (again negotiated: ie, video/tablet time, an ice cream cone, a favorite activity, whatever...)

Methods: If the antecedent behavior is noticed the teacher/staff will - ask the student if he needs a minute to cool down... invite him to CHOOSE a different activity, (also known as redirecting). Praise him if he responds to this without incident. If he decides to remain in the activity but agrees to control his behavior, he will be allowed to do so. If the beginning signs of problems reoccur, repete the first step but insist that another activity be chosen. If the antecedent behavior continues to escalate despite the attempts at redirection, stop the activity he is now involved in and insure the safety of other students. Tell the other children that (your target student) is becoming too upset and that you don't wish for them to become upset also or be injured by his behavior. Have them choose a different activity. This takes the social control away from your target student and gives it to the others. He should not, at this point be allowed to tag along to the new activity.

If additional consequences are needed use isolation and conditional counseling. First, determine his ability to be compliant by directing him to do a simple activity, (This can be counting to ten, going to his desk or table to be seated. putting his hands in his pockets, etc. At the point of compliance have the student tell you what they were doing, with a focus on the inappropriate behaviors. Then have the student tell you what other, more appropriate, actions could have been taken... If the student is able to do this allow them to choose, (given only two or three options), a structured activity in which to participate. Other corrective measures, (depending on the age and maturity of the child), may include: a sit-down time-out for 10 minutes or the remainder of the free time, addition missed recess time later that same day, writing about the incident, or room cleanup helper for a week, etc.

Ultimately, whenever the target behavior occurs, the target student should be immediately isolated from the group and the parent called, (severe behaviors only), or a note made on the star card for the parent, etc.

If more than one or two depending on the severity, (and please be consistent), hitting incident(s) occurs during the week the parent will be notified that the student is to be removed from the school for one full school day. (This final action must be agreed upon by all who participate in the formalizing of this type of behavior plan. In a public school setting this must be approved by the school administration in every case.)

Everyone must be understand and be agreeable to any formal plan you develop; you, the student, parents, coworkers, and the administration's representative. Additional input may be requested from a private councilor or school psychologist. You are however, ultimately the one who is responsible for the safety and well being of your other students. Be prepared by having your own working draft. Start observing and documenting antecedents and doing a baseline now. Attempt some of the distracting techniques to see if they work. Then, if necessary, schedule that meeting!

SUMMARY

A final word of advice. This is a science which can be used again and again during a lifetime. Although I have purposely simplified the laws and rules of "behaviorism" to make it a tool for easier understanding and use, consider it to be a very powerful tool! It can be used to teach children how to dress for school more quickly, to improve social interactions, to eliminate a drug or alcohol dependency, or to get a better job. It does, however, require that the person using these techniques fully understand them.

My first Behavior Management teacher summed it up perfectly when he said, "Never use these techniques to change someone else's behavior before you have used them to change your own!" If you are a parent or a teacher hoping to find a way to change your child's behavior, test the process first by making some changes in your own life. Get a "feel" for how the system works and then encourage others to try it with your help. No matter how strongly you want someone else to change, it is almost certain that it will not happen until they agree to become involved in the process.

Life is filled with opportunities for change. By building on these fundamental skills, making decisions and planning for those changes is going to become easier and more rewarding.

(C) 2002-2024 Michael S. True - TruEnergy Enterprises